Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
