normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
