I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
