it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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