Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's the barista slut.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
