she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
