oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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