Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
