This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
