Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
