If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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