Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
