On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
