remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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