So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
