with your own penis?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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