I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
