Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
