Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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