Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
