I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
