u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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