oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
