I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
