i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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