i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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