Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
