hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
