Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
