I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
