Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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