Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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