what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
