shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
