I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
