Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
