what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
