haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
