Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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