i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize