I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
