There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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