dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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