I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
