i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
