Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
