Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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