um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
