i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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