I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize