there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Green mimosas i think yes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
