your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
