i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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