I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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