I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
