I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
