I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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