Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
