Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Holy sore nipples Batman
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize