um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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