just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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