my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
