he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
