I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
