he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize