I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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