I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
