I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize