Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
