if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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