I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
