if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
