just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize