There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
