Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize