My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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