Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
