my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
