I want to have your abortion
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
